Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
