For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize