oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
