i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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