Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
