Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
