Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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