i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
