operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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