this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
