I bet he comes in French.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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