i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
