I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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