If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
