I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
