i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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