is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
