just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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