You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
meet me or not, i'm out of control
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
