She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
