Please, let me fuck your mom
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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