Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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