Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
