I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
