That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
