All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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