Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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