it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
