can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
