areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
