Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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