so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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