After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
