I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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