just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
