So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
