I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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