apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
