This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
