Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
