I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
