it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I deserve this hangover.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
