WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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