life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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