You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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