saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
