So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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