he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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