She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
