Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
