I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
