I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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