hell yes lets make some ravioli
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
