so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
