They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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