I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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