i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
