winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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