Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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