no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
