where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
