the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
