I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
