I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
