i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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