i think i have herpe
just one?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
