im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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